


Not Yet

by Quillaninc



Series: Imagine Knowing [2]
Category: Voltron: Lion Voltron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-26
Updated: 2010-07-26
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillaninc/pseuds/Quillaninc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following King Lotor through the events of Imagine Knowing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Yet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [randi2204](https://archiveofourown.org/users/randi2204/gifts).



"NO! Don't you dare leave me! I'm not ready for you to leave me, so don't even consider it!"

No . . . no, this isn't happening. Not ready . . . I'm not ready yet. Where the hell are those surgeons? Guards! _Guards!!_

No . . . don't look at me like that. Please . . . don't pretend you're afraid . . . you can't be . . . you're never afraid.

_Guards!!_

_No!_ You can't! You . . . oh gods! No, please . . . hold on . . . Don't worry . . . I'll keep you safe . . . I will, I promise . . . just . . . oh gods! Don't you dare leave me!

_SVEN! No!!_

Please . . . please, no . . . no . . . not yet, not yet . . . dear gods, not yet! I . . . I'm not done with you, yet . . . I . . . gods, what will I do without you? Please. _Please!_ Sven! Wake up! I'm serious! _Wake up!_

No! Go away! No, I won't let him go! I can't . . . I . . . what? _No!_ He's tired . . . he didn't rest . . . I _told_ him to rest . . . I . . .

_Sven!_ I told you to wake up . . . stop this nonsense! _Wake up!_

* * *

Voices. I can hear them clearly, even through this strange fog I feel. I don't understand their words, though.

* * *

"Instantaneous, of course. There would have been nothing we could have done, even if we'd been here at the time. That's the way of things, I'm afraid. Merciful, though."

* * *

No! Don't lie . . . _stop lying!_

* * *

"I suppose that's something, I guess." A pause. "Could their . . . uh . . . union have contributed, do you think?"

* * *

No . . . oh no. Please. Please, please, please, no . . .

* * *

"Oh no, most unlikely. These things are rarely affected like that - it most certainly would have happened, regardless."

* * *

I . . . no, I don't want to think it. I _can't_ . . . he's not . . . he's _not!_

* * *

"You know, I am surprised at his reaction."

"His Majesty's, you mean?"

"Mmm."

"Carel, I didn't think you were that naive."

"Pardon?"

* * *

Yes, I agree - pardon? Do go on, this sounds interesting. I . . .

Oh gods . . . Sven . . . They're talking about . . . No . . . Please, no . . . not Sven . . .

* * *

"There's only one reason a man with His Majesty's status and disposition keeps another man exclusively in his bed for so many decades, Carel, and it has little to do with ordinary desire."

* * *

Oh, nonsense! Why shouldn't I have desired him?

But . . . when did he get to look so old? I don't recall him _ever_ being old . . .

His hair . . . white . . . I don't even remember when I last saw so much as a few strands of dark amongst the white . . .

And he was so . . . so _light_ in my arms! He had no right to be like that! I can't recall anything . . . when did those lines appear? When did his skin become so pale, so fragile? He was always so strong, so intelligent, so brilliant . . .

He just . . . _was_.

Sven . . . my . . . my Sven. Always mine.

* * *

They say I loved you. I suppose, in retrospect, I did.

I never knew that love could just _grow,_ you see; I'd always thought it was just . . . _there._ I'm not one to admit that I was wrong, you know that, but in this case I apparently was.

Yes . . . I sit here, the cold stone of your crypt leeching its chill into my bones, and I look at your face, so carefully carved in marble, and yes, Sven, I can say it now . . . I loved you.

Of course, as always it's too late, but, Sven . . . I desperately hope that, somewhere, you can hear me . . . and forgive me.

I still don't know what fascinated me about you, all those years ago . . . I suppose I never shall. I hear them talking, Sven, and I know what they say about me: I was brilliant, in my prime, a leader of men - strong, decisive, quick witted . . . hells! They even say I was surprisingly fair, for a Doomite King, even when I had to be harsh. Oh, how little they know, eh, that even the minor good I have done during my reign has all come from you.

I . . . I did it, Sven. I freed them, freed them all, right to the very last child. It was the least I could do for you. I . . . I just never had the courage, before, you see. If I had let you go, would you have consented to stay?

And then there's that other matter. Gods! Why do I feel so guilty about this _now_? You never knew, never even _suspected_ . . .

He grows well, your son. Oh, I know others wouldn't agree with me: they say he's too quiet, too introverted. But, Sven, I see so much of you in him! His mind is quick, his thoughts run deep . . . he's so much like you, in so many, many ways.

Actually . . . I've been thinking of late. Wondering, really . . . Well, we both know I don't have so much as one heir. Perhaps a bit of an oversight, that, but after you came, I never even looked for another in my bed.

Oh, hell! Sven, I'm starting to think that maybe I've loved you for longer than I thought.

No wonder I miss you so much.

Please don't be cross with me . . . I know I haven't been eating all that much lately. Three meals a day appear at my table, but quite frankly, I can't say how often I consume them, and how often I don't. I just don't have much appetite, these days.

They all tread on eggshells around me, Sven. No one mentions your name any more. I'm not sure how I feel about that, actually. Sometimes, I want to scream at them, to tell them that you _should_ damn well be remembered! Most of them owe their very lives to your presence here, and they don't even know it!

I guess that that's my fault, though. So much is my fault.

I'm going to go rest, now, Sven. My bones feel so much older, now that you're gone. I won't say I'll sleep . . . I don't do much of that any more, either. But I will rest; I'll promise you that much. I have things I need to do, things I have to finish for you. Then . . . then I'll be able to sleep.

Until then, I'll keep on working . . . I know you'd want me to do that. And when I've done what I can . . . Yes. Yes, I do think I'll hand it all to Alvian. I think he'd do a very good job. In truth, though, Sven . . . if he's even half the man his father was, he'll be a better man than me.

Don't worry . . . I'll be back to see you again. I'm not sure if I can make it tomorrow, but if not then, it'll be the day after. And some day . . . some day soon . . . I'll be here with you permanently.

I love you, Sven. And I miss you.

Goodnight. For now.

_~ owari ~_


End file.
